Letters to the Editor: The rise of the Fart Barkers

We live in an era defined by verbal flatulence.  People don’t think, they don’t contain themselves within the bounds of reason or civility.  Metaphorically, they fart proudly. 

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And not only do they fart proudly, they go half mad with anger when someone points it out to them.  And the same if nobody says a word.  Once the orifice begins to work it will not stop, even if the disturbing stimuli is removed.  Their response manifests itself as a kind of petulant squeal, an anal… bark, if you will.  The correct physiological term for this is “fart barking.”

There’s been a lot of it recently pouring out onto the letters pages of some local newspapers.  Angry, nasty, uncivil screeds and short, blunt belches… mainly about Donald Trump, but also about anyone else who might itch them the wrong way.  For some, it is an itch they can’t quite get to and it has festered. 

Now here is an example of someone taking offense to something that exists solely in her head and her head alone.  Instead of trying to get sane and reason her way through it… out comes the verbal flatulence, a non-stop stream of fart barking.

Sound familiar?  Well, you know who you are.

And now we are going to celebrate you.  Every month, we are going to select a letter-to-the-editor or social media commentary that illustrates the concept of fart barking.  The author of such will be recognized as the “fart barker of the month.”  His or her effort will be maintained on a special page – and yes, this recognition may be granted to a fart barker more than once.  After all, some people do an awful lot of it… fart barking, that is.

So good luck and know that your efforts will not go unrecognized.